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31 May 2005

Waste No Food

Location : London, England.

My dinner on Saturday(28th) dinner was the worst meal I've had since arriving here but I still swallowed it all up. When it comes to being a chef, I realise I've become an ultimate disaster. I haven't really cooked anything since graduating 4 years ago but I stubbornly went for it BIG time as in I wanted to cook 2 meat dishes and rice, all for me starving self :-

As for the rice, I cooked it damn well. But the 2 meat dishes...

Asam Pedas Fish
This is a Malaysian spicy sourish dish cooked with fish, something like a curry but without coconut milk. I had no fish. Two goldfishes almost died(that's another story) and I could've cooked them but the fishes I had no fish. I thought what the heck, I'll just use chicken instead. After all, it's still meat and everything's supposed to taste like chicken! I was oh so wrong. Somehow, Asam Pedas Chicken was just.....unforgiving. It tasted like a chemically twisted concoction of rubber soaked in laxativ-induced dishwater. Next time I'll stick to the rules.

Oyster Sauce Pork
Five days before, I marinated and stored some minced pork in the refridgerator. I kept checking it everyday to make sure it hadn't gone bad and it was fine...until I finally decided to cook it. The sauce I'd prepared was already sizzling hot in the frying wok when I opened the microwave cling film containing the minced pork and the pungent smell of roadkill permeated the air. You should've seen me swear. I sat down and sulked for a minute before I said to the pork "F**k it, you're not getting away that easily because I'm gonna cook and eat you anyway, porkface! You're spending the night in my stomach. Aaargh!". I was thinking the bacteria would've all died and fried along with the pork. Extra ingredients! The smell should disappear by then but it bloody didn't. So Plan B was to chuck more oyster sauce, pepper, anything really...until the smell disappears. And pray. There was a slight discomfort for the first 10 minutes after I finished my meal but my tough, sturdy Malaysian tummy shouldn't have a problem with rotten food. It should help eeeeaase any constipation problem I may have. Some of us consume rotten food everyday and we don't even know it! Like yoghurt, preserved vegetables, corizo, beer...

Well if you've lived in Malaysia, you would've unwittingly swallowed all kinds of unimaginable things - staple bullets, maggots, saliva, sweat, hair, tiny stones, somebody's pubes(gosh, i hope not!), flies, vegetable pests, etc. Malaysia isn't exactly the most hygienic, health-conscious country in the world. That is why I always recommend de-worming yourself. Picture this - some bitch of a fly decides to lay microscopic eggs on fresh food which is then innocently served to you and you gobble it down like a hungry barbarian. Yummy? Hmmm...maggots actually ARE a source of protein in some parts of this world! What a funny world we live in. I guess you can tell I'm not much of a food connoisseur(phew!). Not that I don't appreciate good food, maybe I just don't seem to care if it's hot & fresh, cold leftovers or rotten dog food. My policy is no complains - If it can be digested, it can be eaten. Just think of the starving kids fighting malnutrition in Buckingham Palace and I'm sure you'll eat anything, like me. However, I don't think I'll ever make it in the restaurant industry. Heck, I think I'd win any Fear Factor eating competition! Bring 'em on!

So folks, the revolutionary lesson today is to never waste food. If any of you have any food to throw, be sure to throw some my way. Or you get a girl to cook for you. Wish I had one....only. =P

Posted by Ripcord at May 31, 2005 02:22 PM

Comments got a really strong stomach.

Posted by: Kevin at May 31, 2005 12:37 AM

your asam pedas chicken...still reasonable...

but ur minced pork...u should just throw it instead of eating... staying abroad really tht tough?

may the force be with u.....
and since your job is coming up....hope u will have better meal...

by the way, where you get those asian ingredients? brought it there? woouldnt it be expensive to get it?

Posted by: zbjernak at May 31, 2005 02:39 AM

Sweetie.. if you make it back here alive,after eating your own cooking, I will cook you a good meal, anything you want...You should've thrown out the pork..

Posted by: Cyn at May 31, 2005 02:53 AM

dude, you win hands down. my rotten egg in noodle soup is no where close to your effort at self induced food poisoning.

take care mate,... sometimes its not worth it. extra cost in terms of hospitalisation and time wasted being ill, maybe more damaging than throwing out rotten food.

simply put, its not worth it and even if you gave the rotten pork to the starving kids wherever they maybe, i reckon even they won't eat it.

Posted by: grim at May 31, 2005 03:00 AM

Was that the chicken you were cooking while on the phone to me? Ha ha!!!
And in case you missed all the other advice...


Posted by: Someone else at May 31, 2005 01:45 PM


Posted by: Someone else at May 31, 2005 01:45 PM


Posted by: Someone else at May 31, 2005 01:46 PM


Posted by: Someone else at May 31, 2005 01:46 PM

LOL!! I can relate to you! We Indonesian people have stomachs of steel too and every single expat who came to Indonesia must have had a period of severe stomachache before developing their own steel stomachs :P

However, I never really though off food poisoning myself, and even after I read your post, I still think that it's not a good idea. So, please, just throw away the rotten pork away!

PS: Nice seeing you on my blog too ;)

Posted by: ashe at May 31, 2005 02:44 PM

ripcord: didn't think u were crazy enough to do that...

apparently, u -*are*- the "crazy malaysian"...

fancy some pungent belacan to go with meals? holla aiks...

love, jin

Posted by: erinnys at May 31, 2005 04:00 PM

ed, ignore all the advice food is food even if some of it is alittle older than others. Your a man after my own heart waste not want not.

Perhaps you should stick to the simpler things in life to cook, I can recommend beans and scrambled egg on toast, any other preperation of eggs, its quick simple and nutrious (don't eat too many per day though be warned).

Leave meat preparation to the professionals, just pop down to your local kebab house and pick up a donna, I know the ones in London are laughable compared to the good old Preston kebab, especially when it comes to the price vs quantity.

You need to find yourself your local Mick's Hut remember getting a rogan josh and thinking it was so big it would last at least 2 days.

Anyway good luck and let us know how you feel over the next 24 hours or so, food poisoning is usually a delayed effect.

Posted by: VIRGIN at May 31, 2005 04:30 PM

oh no... he's not replied in a while... what do you guys reckon? down for the count..?

Posted by: grim at May 31, 2005 08:41 PM

hahahah or maybe he just signed up for Fear Factor hahahahha

Posted by: Kevin at June 1, 2005 01:07 AM

grim-> hahahahahhaha... and the winner is THE MINCED PORK


anyone in london can phone to the local hospital to check for the name : edwin chong?

or may be he has join Jamie Naked Chef


Posted by: zbjernak at June 1, 2005 01:40 AM

food poisoning from rotten meat can be quite serious and knowing the dude, he probably ate a lot of it to save it from going into the bin.

if there's anyone in the london area, its probably best to pop by wherever it is he is and check on him,... he might really be down for the count and being skint, he'll probably try to weather it out without seeing the docs. quick go, go...

Posted by: grim at June 1, 2005 07:49 AM

u need someone like Cynthia!
and i suggest you cook food that comes in a can. all u need to do is microwave it. if not, pour it into a pan or a pot and add eggs and start stirring it. Luncheon meat is easier… pan fry. if u really want to do some sort of cooking...

haha... have fun!

Posted by: suelynn at June 1, 2005 08:49 AM

Grim: You know him too well.. I am sure he is now sweating it out

Posted by: bwains at June 1, 2005 01:52 PM

kev, zb & grim : i'm still alive. no tummy problems at all except for that discomforting rumble first 10 minutes after my meal. still walking around.

someone else : yes, it was that chicken!

cynthia & suelynn : let's not start talking about food back there...

virgin : oh i miss the rogan josh at mick's hut!!!

to the rest, thanks for the concern over my tummy but it's still very much alive....and hungry. =)

Posted by: Ripcord at June 1, 2005 06:18 PM

oh good. you're alive.

Posted by: grim at June 2, 2005 04:47 AM