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3 July 2004

Close Call

Location : Phuket, Thailand.

I contemplated twice about making this post. What I'm about to relate to you is pretty private but I thought for the sake of anyone who ever comes to Phuket in the future, I'd better let you guys know. You should read on because this is good advice!

Everytime I come to Thailand, I've always marvelled at the Thai girls who are not only beautiful but also SO friendly, poised and graceful. They have never ever snubbed anyone the way city girls normally do and they are not snobbish or pretentious at all. They all seem to always smile and it seems they would always welcome you with open arms.

So I had a beer or two at a pub called Friends Corner, a short distance from my pad. During the lonely walk home, 2 Thai girls passed me from behind on their motorcycle and said hi. I said hi too and thought nothing much of it. Then the motorcycle stopped a few meters ahead of me, one of the girls got down and the rider took off. I had a better look at her and she was absolutely gorgeous! She was SUCH a stunner and I swear, any man would've felt fire in his pants just by looking at her. The hot chick gestured at me by clenching her fist and motioned it towards and away from her open mouth repeatedly. WTF?! I thought to myself...is she trying to tell me that she wants...to...suck my cock??? Then she coyly glides across the tarmac and stood right next to me. I looked at her face and she had a flawless complexion, doe eyes and pillow lips. Something crawled up my leg and before I knew it, this hot chick grabbed my manhood and giggled away. My soldier stood at attention. My mind was running wild because I'd never been this lucky before and it's never been this easy. However, being the cautious, innocent boy that I am(ahem...), I didn't feel comfortable. Am I dreaming? Am I in a porno movie? Was she a ghost? Was she trying to pick my pocket? So, I started to distance myself and she pulled me back, whispering softly. I said what? She raised her voice and she answered "ONLY 300 BAHT" in a low, coarse, man-ly voice.

It dawned on me that "she", was actually an "it".

For the life of me, I ran faster than a speeding bullet. After 200 meters, I realised I was running the opposite direction. Then I needed some oxygen so I had a cigarette break to recuperate and digest the fact that a man just had a handful of me. I waited half an hour and continued on home. "It" was nowhere to be seen and I got back safely but everytime a motorcycle passed, I'd jump and hide in the dark. I might have just witnessed the birth of a new personal phobia.

Now, I look at Thai girls differently. Or any girl for that matter. She might have boobs like Dolly Parton and a sweet ass like Kylie Minogue but how in the world can you tell if she is one of those chicks with dicks? How can you even tell if Kylie Minogue was a guy? Sex change procedures and plastic surgery is making life hard for guys like me. For the record, I have now had a crab that slapped my ass, a lizard that grabbed my tits and a ladyboy that nudged my crotch. Why do I keep attracting the weirdest females? Where are all the lovely girlies?

I related this incident to a friend and she tells me that Phuket is the cheapest and easiest place to acquire a full sex transformation from a man to a woman - including removing your Adam's Apple. It's a piece of useful information for any potentials out there. Just please, don't mess with my willy.....you silly?

Posted by Ripcord at July 3, 2004 02:53 PM

Comments

yo man...welcome to the club of lady boys. remember me telling you my story of getting lured by one of these in KL? well at least it grab your balls...not tongue your mouth!!!

hav fun man...it's been sometime since i caught up with u. been busy with work & married life! got a career to build! ;)

Posted by: xtremenic at July 3, 2004 05:33 PM

hey ed! where will you be on july 15 onwards. I am free as a bird F...... yea man. finally. i am planning to meet up with you if you are still in Phuket elsewhere have to think about it. Just got my new surfboard and dying to try it out.

Posted by: James Gan at July 3, 2004 07:10 PM

hey hey i know what you mean man. I saw them too. Real gorgeous chicks coming up to you or from afar waving and trying so sexily to lure you. when you are real close.. the truth apprears and Dang! Chicks with Dicks. my experience somewhat similar was in Karon beach near the roundabout with the modernized landmark. When we foundout she was a he. It was hey babe Dont take a walk on the wild side . Get the f... out of there. We all left.

Posted by: James Gan at July 3, 2004 07:25 PM

"Where are all the lovely girlies?" I have already told you.... Any way we are told not to walk alone at night in dark places or we might get grabbed. I guess this rule now applies to you. hahaha.. Don't let this ruin your fun. you never know you may come accross a real woman next time and she may be the one of your dreams and cost you nothing but your heart ;)

Posted by: Crazy Canadian at July 4, 2004 12:15 AM

damn. that's sick. i'm sorry you had to go through such horrors.. haha. i feel for you. don't worry though, there's real girls in the world too.. i think, anyway. haha. im sure one day you'll find a real sexy girl that wants to have a good time with you. anyways.. once again, i feel for you. i'd be so freaked out if this hot guy came up to me and it turned out to be a girl.. anyway, take care, make sure that never happens to you again. lol

Posted by: Susie (provance) at July 4, 2004 12:58 AM

EWWWWWW

Posted by: Kat at July 4, 2004 05:00 AM

hey ed.. heheheheh... that is happening man..

a MAN holding your manhood in his palms..

Imagine what could have happened if you had not found out earlier?? you would be having fun ...

and maybe you would have enjoyed it ehhehe..

Posted by: brains at July 4, 2004 11:59 AM

lol.. that must have been a really bad experience. =\ anyways nice site you have.

Posted by: Jean at July 4, 2004 02:18 PM

that shit is sick man. i wud hav smacked that chick or guy or whatever the fuck it was over rite then and there. anyway kris lawry says hi. laters.

Posted by: tom at July 4, 2004 07:23 PM

Woah - close call indeed. That's so gross. I have nothing against gays or anything but I really can;t deal with trannies!! You poor thing, you were so right to run a mile. xxx

Posted by: Serena at July 4, 2004 10:14 PM

xtremenic : i can't remember any of that. refresh?

james : i left my mobile in the room but i have not been staying in there. will text you when i get back. might probably still be in phuket. found some good surf, finally.

c.canadian : i cannot believe that all the lovely girlies are only in calgary, canada! ;)

susie : thanks for your sympathy?

brains : u sound like u speaking from experience?

tom : tell kris lawry been a long time since i heard from him, mate! thanks for the greetings...

serena : i have nothing against gays too but LADYBOYS don't pay no respect.

Posted by: Ripcord at July 4, 2004 11:03 PM

man i feel sorry for you. thats sick. anyways nice site you have here.

Posted by: Ashley at July 5, 2004 08:22 AM

edwin

i think by now you should wear a chastity belt.

:P

Posted by: fakeplasticdreams at July 5, 2004 11:10 AM

Man that's real close....

Posted by: Kevin at July 5, 2004 01:57 PM

wow....man...u have been molested!!!!

you know you could "actually" sue them in malaysia court and you will be one big hit celebrity.....

hehehe

and u might ask for compensation for your "physically", emotional and spiritually damage....

Posted by: zbjernak at July 5, 2004 06:22 PM

Wow. well...

lol, I don't know what to say... at least you figured things before the actual blowjob?:)

Posted by: Aurora at July 6, 2004 10:37 AM

Oh wow..I'm sorry..that would just..ew suck. My gosh =/ I've never really saw any ladyboys...but in the movies.

Posted by: cassie at July 6, 2004 10:45 AM

hihi ;0) You were lucky a lot of men want find out before they are alone in a room with the "girl".
yeah there are a lot of ladyboys in Thailand. If you go to bars in the nighttime, you will see so many men from the west with their arms around a ladyboy. What is it with guys??? I know that a lot of them is very beatiful, but for me it is really easy to see if they are Lb's or not, but I guess that guys think with another head that girls do-especially in the night time ;0)

So guys, if you have your doubts about what kind of "girl" you are talking too, check their hands. People can change most of their body, but I never heard about people getting their hands changed........

Posted by: Charlotte at October 6, 2004 05:24 PM

charlotte : i think the best solution would be to abstain from sex! what a torcher it would be... =)

Posted by: Ripcord at October 7, 2004 02:33 AM